


Please Don't Go

by moshiznik



Category: SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 23:48:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7595092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moshiznik/pseuds/moshiznik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jonghyun meets a strange yet lovely boy in the hospital. Jinki doesn't know how to tell him the truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please Don't Go

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally posted on my AFF.

Jonghyun feels so heavy. His limbs are filled with sand, weighing him down. He tries to move, to take a deep breath but cannot. Something heavy is pressing down on his chest but he does not know what it is or how to get it off. Before he can think much more, the black envelopes him and he feels nothing.

\-----

“Jonghyun-ah, noona loves you so much. Jongie, please come back to me. Please.”

The soft feminine voice calls to Jonghyun. He knows that voice, recognizes the way it caresses his name. He tries to speak but cannot make his voice work.

Noona! He yells in his head. Noona! Where are you?

He can hear other voices, murmurs in the background. Only snippets make it through the haze, “surgery” and “too long” and “not sure exactly wh-“ Something pricks his memory at the words, but he once again succumbs to the darkness.

\----

Jonghyun slowly blinks, opening his eyes to be blinded by light. White walls in an unfamiliar room greet him. The light is too much and he closes his eyes slowly as if they are weighed down by sand.

A beeping noise fills his ears, first a soft hum and then an overwhelming blare. He turns his head to see where the noise is coming from but a sudden pain shoots through his chest.

All at once, the room is full of people and Jonghyun is overwhelmed, short of breath and feeling so tired, so unbelievably tired.

“Doctor, he’s conscious!” someone yells, startling him.

His eyes feel so heavy, the blackness attempting to draw him in once again, but he fights it. He does not want to go back there, he wants to stay here where there is noise and light.

Feet shuffle as more people enter the room.

His body hurts. His chest aches, and he remembers. Remembers where is he and why he is here.

The white room is now familiar; it really should have been the first clue when he woke up, but he was still so tired – no doubt a result of whatever pain medication he is on – but only one thought fills his mind; something that he never thought he would be able to think. He had waited his whole life but had given up hope after so many disappointments and doctor visits. One thought that is sure to change his whole life.

The source of all his pain, of this heavy feeling in his chest, is beating away, pumping blood and oxygen throughout his body.

“Heart,” he says, and all at once the room is silent. “I have a heart,” he repeats, the sound of his voice weak and scratchy, yet determined.

A strong hand on his shoulder forces him to open his eyes. The smiling face of his doctor greets him, crinkles around friendly eyes as he looks down at Jonghyun.

“Yes, Jonghyun-ssi. You have a heart, a miracle heart that saved your life.”

Jonghyun nods and feels moisture on his cheeks. He has been waiting a very long time for this moment and could hardly believe that it is finally here.

As the tears continue rolling down his cheeks, his mother and sister enter his room. The nurses and doctors make a path to his bed, allowing them to see Jonghyun clearly. At seeing him awake, his mother bursts into tears and throws herself onto him. His sister stays behind, eyes wide and watery as she sees her brother awake for the first time since his surgery three days ago.

Jonghyun pats his mother on the back and smiles at his sister, motioning with his head for her to come closer.

The nurses and doctors slowly file out of the room, and Jonghyun is grateful for the time to be with his family.

As his mother cries into his shoulder and his sister sits on the chair next to his bed, he can’t help but think that although he is 23 and has lived what feels like a lifetime, his new heart has given him a new life and he can’t wait to begin living it.

\----

A brisk knock on the door is the only notice Jonghyun gets before a young man enters his room, a large smile plastered on his face.

“Hello! How are you today, Jonghyun-ssi?” the boy says, his smile so wide that his eyes are scrunched up like crescent moons.

Startled, Jonghyun looks at him and says nothing.

“Oh, cat’s got your tongue this morning?” the boy teases as he plops down in the chair next to Jonghyun’s bed, which is usually reserved for his sister.

“Um,” Jonghyun replies, not wanting to be rude but confused by the familiarity with which the other speaks. “I’m sorry but who are you?”

“Oh!” at his question, the boy’s eyes widen in surprise. “That’s right, you probably don’t remember, you were out cold! My name is Lee Jinki and I’m one of the hospital volunteers that stayed with you after your surgery.”

The boy – Jinki – smiles at him again, this time studying Jonghyun to gauge his reaction.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t remember you….”

“No worries!” Jinki says, leaning in and placing a hand on Jonghyun’s thigh. “I’m just here to help you in any way I can. Usually, I just sat by your bed and talked to you. Sometimes I would read stories or sing. Your hand always twitched when I sang, so I did that a lot.”

Jonghyun is too distracted by Jinki’s hand on his thigh to catch everything he says. The action seems so familiar, so normal, that Jonghyun is shocked by how unbothered he is by it.

Normally, Jonghyun did not like strangers touching him. With his heart condition, he had to be very careful about germs and getting sick, so he had avoided contact at all costs.

With Jinki, however, he found the feeling normal. He actually found himself craving more and had to force himself to sit back as Jinki blathered on about something.

“And then, Dr. Choi told me that you were only a few years younger than me and I just knew we would be good friends! Your sister would be here sometimes too, and she would talk to you and say such nice things, ya know? I wish I had an older sister, but I just got stuck with a younger brother, who is really a little shit. Ugh, he makes me so mad, but I love him. Siblings are so weird, ya know?”

Jonghyun nods and Jinki smiles at him. Now that Jonghyun isn’t preoccupied by figuring out who he is, he is able to observe him. He is startled by how breathtaking the boy’s smile is; it lights up his whole face and makes his eyes scrunch up in the cutest way.

\---

After a few days in the hospital the only thing that is keeping Jonghyun sane is Jinki. Even though his family visits every day, they have to work and are unable to spend much time with him. His sister brought him his favorite movies after he had expressed how bored he was, and now he and Jinki are watching Mulan, laughing at how ridiculous Mushu is and gushing over how hot General Shang is.

“He can ask me to climb his pole any day,” Jinki sighs as Shang yells at Mulan and the other soldiers.

Jonghyun laughs, looking over at the other boy fondly. Jinki spends most of his time in the younger’s room, and when Jonghyun had asked him about his other volunteer commitments, worried he would get in trouble with hospital staff, he simply brushed him off and said that Jonghyun was his only patient at the moment.

While Jonghyun still ached and often felt as if an elephant had sat on his chest – or stomped on it repeatedly just for fun – Dr. Choi was happy with his progress and was no longer worrying about his body rejecting the new heart.

As he often did, Jonghyun focused on the beating of his new heart and felt a pang of guilt. Someone had died and was now keeping him alive. Their heart was pumping blood throughout his body, and he felt a strange emptiness for this person. He longed to know more about them, had asked Dr. Choi countless times for more information but each time he shook his head and said that the person’s family had signed a non-disclosure form and that he couldn’t give him any information.

Jinki laughed as Mushu impersonated a soldier and rode around on a panda, shaking Jonghyun from his reverie.

“Hey, Jinki-hyung?” he asks.

“Yeah,” he replies, glancing at Jonghyun out of the corner of his eye so as not to miss anything in the movie. After seeing the look on Jonghyun’s face, Jinki pauses the movie and turns to look at him.

“What is it, Jonghyun-ah?” Jinki asks, placing a gentle hand on Jonghyun’s arm and moving closer to him.

“I’ve been thinking and… is there any way – um – do you know anything about – um – my d-donor….?”

Jinki’s eyes widen at Jonghyun’s question, his hand sliding off of his arm and resting in his own lap.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t....”

Jonghyun looks down, feeling his eyes burn with unshed tears as the feeling of guilt and helplessness overwhelm him.

“Jonghyun, you shouldn’t worry about that. I’m sure the family knows how you feel, they must know. I bet they’re happy that they could help someone,” Jinki trails off as the younger boy begins crying, sniffling loudly.

“Wait here for a minute, yeah? I’m going to go get you some ice cream,” the older slowly rises from the bed and pats Jonghyun on the shoulder. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

But after twenty minutes and no sign of Jinki, Jonghyun begins to worry about the older boy. The hospital cafeteria isn’t that far and he should have been back by now.

Jinki doesn’t return; not that day nor the next.

\---

Jonghyun worries about the older boy but becomes preoccupied when his best friend Kibum begins visiting every day since his college is on spring break.

Kibum knows him better than anyone and quickly notices the puppy-dog look on his best friend’s face whenever someone would walk by his room or a nurse would come in.

“Yah, what has gotten into you? Are you waiting for someone or something?” Kibum asks, lightly shoving his best friend on the shoulder. “Am I not enough for you or something?”

“What? No, oh I’m sorry, Kibum-ah. I just, my friend hasn’t been here for a while.”

“What friend?”

“Just one of the hospital volunteers. He usually comes and spends the day with me but I haven’t seen him-”

“Wait, are we talking about a friend? Or a friend?” Kibum smirks at him knowingly.

“Just friends!” Jonghyun responds quickly, but his friend only chuckles as his face turns a bright red.

“Okay…. Well, did you ask the nurses about this friend? They might know if he’s on vacation or something.”

Jonghyun honestly hadn’t thought of that and is thankful that his best friend is always so on top of things.

“Yeah, you’re right, I’ll ask tonight.” Kibum smiles at him and they resume their game of checkers, at which Kibum is shamelessly winning.

\---

As Jonghyun waits for his nightly check-in from his nurse, too anxious about his missing friend, he is unable to sit still and fidgets with his bed sheets. Jinki had become a constant presence in his life over the last week and he feels strange without him.

If Jonghyun was being honest with himself, he was beginning to feel a little more than friendship for the older boy and had thought that Jinki might feel the same way. Jinki was always touching Jonghyun or leaning in really close when they were speaking or if Jonghyun had made him laugh.

His nurse enters the room, grabbing his chart and asking him the standard questions. Jonghyun answers quickly, hoping to ask her about the missing boy.

Just as the nurse finishes, Jonghyun looks up to see Jinki enter his room, waving and placing a finger to his lips in a “shh, keep quiet” kind of way. Jonghyun nods and refocuses on what the nurse is saying as Jinki slips behind the curtain and out of sight.

The nurse finishes and leaves the room, wishing him a goodnight and instructing him to call if he needs anything. As soon as she closes the door, Jinki steps out from behind the curtain and smiles widely, exclaiming, “I’m here!”

Jonghyun hardly has time to react before the older boy is throwing his arms around him and is practically sitting in his lap. Grunting at the suddenness of the movement, Jonghyun smiles and pats Jinki’s back, causing the older boy to nuzzle in closer and rub his cheek against Jonghyun’s.

“I missed you,” he breathes, tickling Jonghyun’s ear.

The younger stills and begins to turn his head wanting to see Jinki fully, but the older boy tightens his grip not allowing him to move.

“Hyung, where have you been?” he asks instead, voice sounding a little more hurt than he had intended.

“I’m sorry,” is all he says. He is now stroking Jonghyun’s hair, running his fingers through the platinum locks. “I had to go somewhere for a bit, but I’m back now. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

Before he knows what is happening, he feels Jinki begin crying. Heavy sobs wrack his body as his shoulders shake and tears drop onto Jonghyun’s shoulder.

“Jinki-hyung? What’s wrong?” the younger asks, unsure.

“I’m so sorry, Jonghyun, I didn’t know, I didn’t know what I was doing. I just had to go, please forgive me. Please.”

Jonghyun tightens his grip on the older boy and nods, “Of course, Jinki-ah, don’t worry. It’s okay; I was just worried about you.”

Jinki eventually quiets and the two boys lean back in Jonghyun’s bed, their bodies wrapped around each other. He feels content in the silence and drifts off to sleep, secure in the knowledge that no matter what had happened, Jink is back and for now, that is all that matters.

\---

The next morning Jonghyun wakes with a start, remembering that Jinki had returned the night before. Looking over, he sees the boy now sleeping on the couch in the back corner of the room and smiles, glad that he stayed.

“Jonghyun-ah! Baby, I’m here, I’m so sorry but traffic was horrible,” his mother comes bursting into his room and Jonghyun quickly shushes her and nods to the corner of the room where Jinki is sleeping.

She looks at him quizzically, but Jonghyun shakes his head and whispers, “Shhh, it’s early!”

Smiling but still looking confused, his mother begins unloading her bag. She always brings him extra sweaters and sweatpants, fearing that the gowns the hospital provide aren’t thick enough for her baby. Jonghyun loves his mother and is used to her worrying, but he is happy that his new heart means that he won’t have to be worried over quite so much. How many 23 year-olds still rely on their mother to dress them?

His mother can’t stay too long, needing to catch her bus to work. She leans in, giving him a peck on the cheek before rushing off and telling him that his sister will be by later after she gets off work.

He watches her leave, smiling after her and moving the stack of clothes from his bed to his side table. A movement from the doorway catches his eye and he looks up, startled to see a young boy, probably 19 or 20, standing just inside his room.

“Can I help you?” Jonghyun asks, unsure if the boy is lost – it wouldn’t be the first time someone came into his room on accident. He is still careful to whisper though so as not to wake up Jinki, who is still sleeping peacefully on the couch.

“Are you Kim Jonghyun?” the boy asks, still loitering in the doorway as if he is reluctant to enter the room.

“Yes, that’s me. I’m sorry but I don’t think I know you…” he trails off, waiting for the other to offer some explanation.

“No, you don’t know me. I-I just wanted to meet you. To see you.”

Jonghyun is becoming more confused by the minute. He examines the boy, taking in his slight frame and disheveled appearance, trying to place him. Although he is quite young, his face was drawn and looks as though he has been crying.

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Did you need something?”

The boy shakes his head, glancing out the door nervously. “No, I just needed to see you for myself. I needed to know w-who you were, what you looked like. J-just once.”

Jonghyun is still confused, but before he can ask anything else, Jinki stirs in the corner and falls off the couch, knocking over the water glass that had been resting on the floor.

The boy startles at the movement and stares at the cup that is now rolling across the floor as Jinki groans and rolls over into the puddle of water.

At that moment, Dr. Choi strides into the room, briefly pausing to stare at the young boy. Just as he is about to speak, the boy runs out of the room and into the hallway.

“Wait!” Jonghyun calls, looking from his doctor to the now empty doorway.

“What was Lee Taemin doing here?” his doctor asks, voice sterner than usual. Dr. Choi Minho has been Jonghyun’s doctor for the past seven years and had always been friendly. In all of his time with him, he has never heard the young doctor raise his voice, so hearing him address him so sternly is disconcerting.

“W-who?” Jonghyun tries asking but is cut off.

“I told you. I told you to not look for the family. I told you that they needed their space. How dare you-“ but he can’t seem to finish, looking up at Jonghyun suddenly. “That young boy has been through enough, it was too soon for you to reach out to him. The funeral was two days ago!”

Jonghyun sits in silence, letting the doctor’s words sink in. The young boy, Taemin…Lee Taemin, was related to his donor? The funeral was last week?

“I didn’t know,” he says, still processing. “I didn’t know who he was. I didn’t contact anyone, I swear. He just came into my room….”

Dr. Choi looks at Jonghyun closely, assessing whether or not he is telling the truth, before turning and leaving the room, calling after Taemin.

Jonghyun is growing more confused by the minute. Too many things are happening at once.

Jinki had finally returned.

He had just met his heart donor’s family member, his younger brother perhaps.

Needing to ground himself, he turns to Jinki only to find the boy gone. The only thing that remains from this strange morning is a puddle of water and the empty cup.

His mind whirls at the sight, “Jinki!?” But only silence greets him.

\---

“Jonghyun? Hello!”

“I’m in the bathroom!” he replies, relieved that Kibum is finally here.

He exits the bathroom, pulling on one of the sweater’s his mother had left him.

“Did you bring-“

“Yeah, yeah, I brought everything you wanted, calm down.” Jonghyun sits on his bed and watches his friend take a stack of newspapers out of his backpack.

“I don’t know why you need all of this stuff-“

“I just do. Thanks, Kibum-ah. You’re the best!” Jonghyun smiles at his friend, using flattery to distract him.

“Yeah, whatever. Let’s watch a movie!” As Kibum begins digging through his ever-growing movie collection, Jonghyun takes the first paper off the stack and sifts through the pages until he finds what he is looking for and begins to read.

\---

Jonghyun is ecstatic that it is his last night in the hospital, but he also feels a sense of dread. He is happy because once he leaves, he will finally be able to live a normal life, or at least close to it. Yet the thought of leaving the hospital fills his chest with an aching sadness, making him wonder about his friend.

Kibum had returned to school, making Jinki’s absence all that more noticeable.

 

Needing to find some answers, he asks the nurses about Jinki and the hospital’s volunteer program, but no one knew anything about either. His stomach churns and his heart sink, beating heavily and loudly in his ears.

He tries to remember everything the boy had said, replaying their conversations: that he had spent time with Jonghyun right after his surgery, that he had a younger brother.

Then Taemin had visited and Dr. Choi accused him of bothering his donor’s family

Jonghyun had read through every newspaper Kibum had brought him but hadn’t found anything until the very last paper. He had finally found an answer to his question, but instead of feeling satisfied, he only felt more confused.

\---

“So this is it, huh?”

Jonghyun breathed deeply, turning towards Jinki’s voice. He had been sitting on his bed, staring at the newspaper in his hands while he waited for his family to come and take his home.

“Yes,” is all he says, unable to look up at the boy.

“Oh.” At this short response, Jonghyun looks up and gasps. Jinki is standing before him, his usual jeans and shirt torn and his body covered in blood.

“Jinki,” Jonghyun breathes, feeling tears begin to well behind his eyes.

“Shhh,” Jinki moves toward him as if he is going to embrace him, but stops a few feet away, uncertainty written on his face.

Unable to stand the distance, Jonghyun stands up and hugs the boy, crushing him to his chest and letting his tears fall.

“Shhh, it’s okay. It’s okay,” Jinki cooes, patting his back as he returns the embrace. He rests his head on top of Jonghyun’s and breathes deeply as if to savor the moment.

“Jinki-ah, I don’t understand. I don’t-“ but Jonghyun can’t finish, can’t bring himself to say the words. Instead, he steps back, still grasping Jinki with one hand while the other reaches behind him and picks the paper he had been holding off of the bed.

Jinki looks down at the paper and takes it from Jonghyun, stepping back and breaking their contact. His eyes scan the page and he read aloud, whispering under his breath:

“Lee Jinki, age 26, passed away after a fatal car accident. Jinki was in his first year of medical school at Seoul University of Medicine and was a lover of people and music. Jinki-ssi was a wonderful student and son and his family is happy that through his death, he was able to give life through various transplants to those in desparate need. His mother, father, and younger brother wish for his close friends to join them in remembering Jinki at the prayer service and burial…”

He trails off, looking up at Jonghyun with a deep sadness. “I’m sorry, Jonghyun-ah. I couldn’t remember at first, but I do now.”

“Jinki, I don’t understand. What is happening? How is this possible?”

“I’m not quite sure myself. All I know is that I was drawn to you. I woke up in the hospital and you were there. Everything else was faded, muted, but I could see you so clearly.”

Jonghyun looks at Jinki, not sure what to think. The older boy stares in Jonghyun’s eye and there are so many emotions written on his beautiful, blood stained face.

“I didn’t know what had happened or why you were unconscious, so I tried talking to other people to ask them what was happening, but no one could hear me; no one could see me.”

Jinki sounds so sad that Jonghyun hugs him tighter, not caring about the blood on his clothes or the fact that nothing Jinki is saying should be possible. He refuses to accept the truth behind his words.

“I stayed with you even though you were asleep. Somehow, I knew you could hear me. Your family would come often and I would stay back, just observing them with you. They love you so much. Your sister came the most often, and she would talk to you for hours. She told me about how you grew up always in pain, always unable to do anything because of your poor heart. She told me about the time that you almost died when your heart stopped working, that you had almost received a new heart but it had gone to another patient at the last minute. She told me about your love for music and sang some of your songs for you. You truly are a gifted songwriter, Jonghyun-ah.”

Jonghyun leans into the hand that Jinki has placed on his cheek, nodding for the older boy to continue, to share his story.

“One night after everyone had left, I sat on your bed just staring at you. You looked like you were sleeping but I knew that you were fighting to stay alive, that you were fighting to come back. So I decided to sing for you, the one person that drew me in that made sense to me in this lonely place. I sang one of my favorite songs and as I was singing, I saw your hand twitch and felt your heart beat increase. It was the first response you had shown in days and I was so happy that I couldn’t stop singing. I had to keep singing to keep you with me, to draw you back to the world where you belong.

Right before you woke up, I could hear your doctor speaking with someone in the hallway, raising his voice. But what really drew me was how familiar the other voice was. I peeked out of the door and saw a young man talking to your doctor, shoulders hunched with exhaustion but his face was filled with determination. The thing was, I knew this person, and it shocked me. I didn’t know what to think, so I just stood there, listening to their conversation…

‘Taemin-ssi, you cannot go into his room. Your parents have signed a non-disclosure agreement so that you cannot contact whoever your brother’s –“

“No!” Taemin said, wiping angry tears from his eyes. “You don’t understand, I have to see him. I have to know that-“

“No, Taemin-ah,” Dr. Choi Minho said, speaking more softly and placing his hand gently onto the young man’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, but you can’t go in there. You shouldn’t even know who he is.”

“But he has a part of my brother! He has his heart! I need to know if he’s okay. I need to see if-“

“To see what, Taemin-ssi? To see if your brother is somehow now part of Kim Jonghyun? Taemin-ah, please don’t do this to yourself. I’m sorry for your loss but you need to let go, at least of this. Just because part of your brother’s body lives on does not mean that he is still here.”

I wanted to scream at them, I wanted to jump out from where I was hiding behind your door and scream at that that I am here. I am here. I wanted to comfort my baby brother more than anything, but I couldn’t bring myself into the hallway, I couldn’t do it.”

Jonghyun’s heart breaks at the sadness in Jinki’s voice. His heart – Jinki’s heart – beats steadily in his chest, but he feels as though it is being shattered into a million pieces.

“I knew I had to talk to you, to get to know you. So when you finally woke up, I tried - somehow you could see me, you could hear me. I couldn’t believe it but deep down I would have been surprised if you couldn’t. So I lied about being a volunteer and determined to spend as much time with you as I could.”

“Jinki, you don’t have to… it’s okay, really.” Jonghyun could feel how exhausted the story was making the older boy. He began to lean more heavily on Jonghyun and he eased them so that they were sitting down on the bed. Jonghyun made to slide back, so he could better see Jinki, but he grasped his hand tightly to stop him.

“No, Jonghyun, I need this. I need to tell you everything.”

At the pleading look on Jinki’s face, Jonghyun nodded and drew their linked hands into his lap, lightly stroking the back of Jinki’s hand to sooth him and show that he was listening.

“At first, I was just trying to figure you out, I wanted to know what made you so special that even in death I was drawn to you. Obviously, I knew that you had my heart, that you had a piece of me in you, but I could just feel that there was something more. Like before when I had first woken up, I found myself drawn to you. I was intoxicated by your smile, by your laugh. Your voice was hypnotic and I would often lose myself in whatever you were saying, not really paying attention but not missing a single syllable.”

Jinki’s confession was becoming too much for Jonghyun to bear. He could feel time slipping away from them, forcing them to move forward. But he listened on, needing to hear the full story. Wanting Jinki to confirm what he himself was feeling.

“I couldn’t bring myself to tell the truth, so I just settled for being by your side in any way that I could. I loved watching movies because it gave me time to stare at you. I loved teasing you and making you pout. I loved seeing you so excited, so happy to be alive. But my heart was heavy and I often thought back to my brother, to my parents. What was happening to them?

That day that you were so upset, that day that I left to get you ice cream, I had been thinking about my family so much, I missed them so much, that all of a sudden I found myself not walking into the hospital cafeteria to sneak some ice cream, but I was in a small dark room filled with people.

I knew all of these people. I knew them so well, but I couldn’t remember them, not really. They were muted and their faces were sad, so sad. I began to panic, unsure of where I was exactly and afraid that I wouldn’t be able to get back to you. But then I saw him, my little brother. Taemin was standing in the back of the room.

I couldn’t stay away, I ran to him and tried to hug him but I went right through him. Taemin stiffened, as if he could sense me so I tried talking to him, but he looked right through me and I turned to see some boys from my class walk up to him. They bowed and offered their condolences, but Taemin only nodded and turned away, walking to where my parents were standing.

I followed him and stopped moving. My parents were standing together, my father’s arms around my mother who was crying softly. Just behind them I could see my picture, so large that my face could be seen from miles away. I just stared and stared, unable to take my eyes away. All of a sudden, the room was silent and everyone was gone. I tried to leave, to find someone, but the doors were shut and I felt trapped. I didn’t know what was happening and I felt myself slipping away until there was nothing. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t move. There was nothing but darkness. Just before I felt myself fade completely, I saw your face and longed to see you one last time.

I don’t know where I went or how I came back, but when I finally did return, you were there. I felt so guilty for leaving you, you looked so upset and I didn’t know how to explain it. Even though I was holding you in my arms, I knew that it wouldn’t last, that my time was limited.

Perhaps it was fate telling me that it was time to go, that she was giving me these last moments with you because we both needed it, but whatever the reason, I’m so glad that I got to see you one more time.”

“Jinki-Jinki, please don’t. I can’t…”

“It’s okay, Jonghyun. I’m happy. I’m happy that you are alive. I’m so happy that I got to know you, got to spend time with you. That I got to love you. Please don’t be sad.”

Jinki leans forward, cupping Jonghyun’s face in his hands and wiping away his tears. Jonghyun looks up into the face that he loves so much, wishing that things could be different.

Taking a deep breath, Jonghyun leans forward, closing what little distance was between them. As their lips met, Jonghyun tries to convey everything he feels, everything that he can’t say into the touch. Jinki returns the kiss, passionately moving his hands to Jonghyun’s neck and tangling his hands in the short hairs on his neck, drawing them that much closer.

The kiss is short but filled with so much emotion, so many unsaid words, that when they finally break apart, Jonghyun refuses to open his eyes. He cannot accept that this will be the last time he ever sees Jinki’s face, that he ever feels his soft lips under his.

Jinki strokes his hand through Jonghyun’s hair moving down his face until it rests on his shoulders.

“I’m so sorry for causing you so much pain. Please know that I never wanted that. I hate seeing you cry. I-I just couldn’t help myself, I couldn’t stay away.”

Jonghyun nods finally opens his eyes, not wanting to miss another second.

“Jinki, please don’t go. Please stay with me. I-I don’t know what I’ll do, but I’ll figure something out. I can stay at the hospital or I can come back to visit. Please don’t leave.”

Jinki shakes his head sadly and pulls Jonghyun in for a hug. “I’m sorry, Jonghyun-ah. But I can’t do that, it’s time for me to leave.”

“Can you,” he pauses, needing to wet his lips, “can you come with me? I mean walk with me when I leave? Please?”

Jinki nods, a sadness reaching his eyes as they both realize this is it; this is their last goodbye.

\---

“Jonghyun-ah! Oh, baby, I’m so happy you finally get to come home! Let’s go, are you ready!?” His mother bursts into his room, followed closely by his sister and father.

Quickly wiping his face on his sleeve, he makes sure that Jinki is still next to him before he turns to his family.

“Yes, let’s go.” He carefully places the newspaper with Jinki’s obituary in his bag and stands up, keeping their hands linked.

Jonghyun’s mother frowns at her son’s action, unsure what he is hold onto, but is soon distracted by his tear-stained face and puffy eyes, tutting over him and wiping his face with her handkerchief. His father then motions for them all to leave and his parents exit the room.

Jinki releases their hands as Jonghyun’s sister walks over to him and links their arms, pulling him through the doorway with a warm smile.

Jinki remains just behind them as they walk down the hallway, but Jonghyun can feel the distance as if it’s tangible. Jonghyun’s parents are speaking with the nurse, no doubt asking last minute questions.

He can feel Jinki’s gaze on his back, can feel the brush of cold air on neck at his nearness. As his parents exit the hospital and his sister pulls him toward the door, he stops, breaking free of her hold. She frowns, but follows after their parents and giving Jonghyun his space.

He turns toward Jinki and smiles. Jinki is standing right behind him, but he looks different, he is beginning to fade into the background. Jinki smiles back at him and says, “I love you, Jonghyun-ah. You have my heart and I will always be with you.”

Jonghyun whispers, “please don’t go,” but by the time he looks up, Jinki has vanished.

**Author's Note:**

> Please, Don’t Go  
> (sung by SHINee: Onew & Jonghyun)
> 
> Last night in my dreams, you drew close to me  
> Your whispered words, your hair that brushed against my face
> 
> When I woke up from my dream, it was all too clear  
> That your presence was nothing but a dream  
> The tears in my eyes told me
> 
> You can’t, you can’t, don’t leave like this  
> Please just one more time, one more time, hold me in your arms again
> 
> The next time I close my eyes to meet you  
> Hold me as I stay still in that spot
> 
> Even when I open my eyes, only your figure is clear  
> That your presence was nothing but a dream  
> The sadness reflected in my tears told me
> 
> You can’t, you can’t, don’t leave like this  
> Please just one more time, one more time, hold me in your arms again
> 
> The next time I close my eyes to meet you  
> Hold me as I stay still in that spot
> 
> I try and even though I try  
> I insist, I insist  
> Come back to me
> 
> You can’t, you can’t, don’t leave like this  
> Please just one more time, one more time, hold me in your arms again
> 
> The next time I close my eyes to meet you  
> Hold me as I stay still in that spot


End file.
